I was uncomfortable/in pain for about four days before I actually went into labor. My midwife was on vacation. The stand-in was OK; I just wasn’t comfortable with her. She encouraged me to scream instead of moan – it didn’t really work for me. John slept through most of my contractions. After about eight hours I asked to go to the hospital because I wanted to be out of pain.
The doctor at the hospital told me I’d be having a c-section before he even examined me. And that’s what happened. I got a lot of drugs, could barely keep my eyes open during the surgery and my baby, Neil did not breathe until he was intubated.
Neil was in the NICU for a week, during which time he was tested for everything. There were blood tests and cultures and a spinal tap and they found nothing. They treated with seven days of antibiotics anyway.
I cried everyday. I made it to nearly every feeding so he could be nursed and have his head drenched by my tears.
We’re home now.
That’s the rough sketch of facts. I suppose I’ll be processing emotions for some time.