I’ve always hated cooking and now cooking hates me back. Nearly every thing I’ve made for the past month has turned out wrong. And when I’m not messing up the food I’m getting all these kitchen injuries.
I complained to a friend, “I burned my boob when I made the granola, but the granola turned out alright. And I have a burn across my palm from the waffle iron, but the waffles were actually pretty good.”
“See?” she said, “it just requires a blood sacrifice.”
“Well then,” I answered, “the carrot cake is going to be delicious because that box grater has it in for me.”
*Joke. I’m still a monotheist.