How I Got Fat and Began to Get Unfat

part 3

I knew I was going to get fat.  All of the women in my family are fat.  It was genetic destiny.  It was fate.  It was the dynastic plan.  Or was it a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I knew so absolutely that I was going to become overweight that before I would marry him, I made my husband promise to love and desire me no matter what, “even when I get fat.”  For the record, he has been true to his word for 19 1/2 years.

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But I was not showing love for myself.

I ate without thinking.  I ate without hunger.  I ate because I was tired, nervous, sad, or scared. I ate past the point of satiety, fullness, and comfort.  And in the short term, eating made me feel better, or at least numbed me a bit.

It took me a long time to accept that what worked for me in the past would not work with my current lifestyle.  I could not simply increase my activity.  I did not have the time or desire to walk and bike everywhere with children strapped to my body.  And when I tried, it always resulted in crazy hunger, which led to overcompensating with more food than I actually needed.

I had to be willing to eat less overall to reach a healthy weight and then to be willing to eat at maintenance to, well, maintain that weight.

All I did  for the first couple of weeks was jot down everything I ate on a piece of paper.  I didn’t try to change what or how much I ate, but in a kind of observer effect, my behavior modified in response to being recorded.  I made lower calorie choices and lost a little weight.

Honestly?  I felt terrible.  I was cold, I was hungry, and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I got shaky. All I could think about was food.  I was probably eating too few calories but I wasn’t counting calories so I didn’t know that.

Part 4 coming soon.

part 2, part 1

 

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2 thoughts on “How I Got Fat and Began to Get Unfat

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